We all have people we admire. This could be actors, athletes, scientists and the like who we idolise from afar but also people in our communities or those that we know personally. It could be their mastery of a certain skill that makes them appeal or simply their attitude to others and the way they conduct themselves.
Role models can be a positive thing. They can show us what’s possible in a field we’re already interested in and also help us discover new aspirations we might not have found without them. By studying how they got where they are and how they behave, they can give us a starting point for our own journey.
So far, so good. Role models can be a powerful way to motivate yourself. However, I think that comparison can also be a counterproductive way of spurring yourself on. This is particularly the case if you’re comparing yourself to someone from afar (though the same is true with people you know personally as you can’t know absolutely everything about them). There is no recipe for success in any field or any aspiration. You can turn your life into a carbon copy of someone you admire and still might not achieve what they did. This is because the world is infinitely complex and, while skill and personality can get you many places, there’s just no accounting for luck or circumstances. This might lead to feelings of discouragement if you’re not doing as well (or even coming anywhere near) what other people achieved before you.
While your role model’s journey might give you a useful starting point, you should always be forging a path of your own. They might have had opportunities that will never come around for you but the same is true for you: always be open to taking a chance or changing your mind. This is doubly important as it’s the only guaranteed way of finding what will make you happy. It may not be what you always thought it would be. Following too closely in someone else’s footsteps might not only overshadow your genuine achievements but stop you seeing a new direction to take.
This is something I’ve had to accept recently. I often watch other people in the blind community succeeding at things that I just haven’t managed yet (living abroad, traveling in unfamiliar places). It’s very easy to compare myself to them and feel like a failure and a coward. It also leads me to forget just how much I’ve managed to do. Who cares if I’ve earned a masters degree and am doing a job I love? I should be pushing myself more. Getting outside of my comfort zone. And while this is true to some extent, I need to know where to draw the line.
I need to learn the difference between taking inspiration and letting someone else’s experience invalidate or eclipse mine. I think it’s that crucial awareness that provides the healthy balance. Role models hint at what might be objectively possible but in the end, it is (and should always be) up to you to find out what’s possible for you.