Leonine List – Improvements

By Maxim Trevelyan

Trevelyan’s Top Ten Wanted Personal Improvements (That Will Probably Never Happen)

10. Start being up to date with a journal on HOL tasks.
9. Start being up to date with a journal on RL tasks.
8. Finish one needlepoint before starting on another.
7. Find a hobby group that you are not already a part of and participate in it.
6. Volunteer for causes you believe in.
5. Rediscover the love for climbing.
4. Take at least two hours per day for your hobbies, or alternatively, doing nothing and having time for yourself.
3. Start planning the garden.
2. Learn how to cook more dishes.
1. Enjoy your life more.

By Sky Alton

Ten Improvements that Proved to be Nothing of the Kind

  1. New Coke.
    In the 1980s, Coca-Cola decided to change their iconic recipe much to everyone’s dismay. They quickly realised their mistake and changed it back.
  2. The Edsel.
    This is a failure by Ford from 1957 where they managed to create a car that looked so weird and drove so badly that it has gone down in legend.
  3. Sapphire Screens.
    Apple’s iPhone 6 was meant to have a super tough screen made out of heat treated sapphire (yes, the precious gemstone) but it proved far too pricy and high maintenance an idea.
  4. Smell-o-Vision.
    It was a logical step for creators in the 50s to think that once you’ve created movies you can see and here, it would be good to smell them as well. Unfortunately the technology hadn’t caught up to the idea and audiences didn’t like having scents blasted at them out of vents.
  5. Toaster Eggs.
    Exactly what it sounds like: released in the 70s,this was a processed scrambled egg/omelette crossbreed intended to be cooked in the toaster. It did not sell.
  6. Cabbage Patch Snack Time Dolls.
    These were dolls that ate plastic food… and also children’s fingers. (They made the list simply for the ouch factor)
  7. Clippit/Microsoft Office Assistant.
    Microsoft incorporated a little animated character (the default being an anthropomorphised paperclip) that popped up to give people useful tips about how to use their computer. People found it very annoying and the function was discontinued. (As a kid, I had mine set as a little dog who was absolutely adorable. I do not agree with public opinion here.)
  8. The Atomic Energy Laboratory.
    This was a chemistry set for children that involved genuine radioactive material.
  9. BIC for Her.
    The famous pen manufacturer faced a serious backlash in 2012 for creating girly pens specifically aimed at women.
  10. Keedoozle.
    Designed in 1937, this was the first automated grocery store; it involved sticking plastic keys into particular slots (causing machinery and employees behind the scenes to transport the goods to the checkout). It was an ingenious concept but the technology wasn’t quite there and it never took off.

By February Fortescue

Top ten items from the 1970’s I wish we could combine with the present to really improve the item:

  1. Phones.
    Don’t get me wrong – I love cell phones! But they aren’t designed to last forever. I own a 1970’s rotary phone and it still works. Sure, it takes forever to dial. If someone breaks into the house, it would take me 10 minutes to dial for help, but it’s so heavy I could throw it at the burglar and incapacitate them! I wish modern phones help up like the older ones.
  2. Toasters.
    My mother had a toaster from the 1970’s. She replaced it three years ago when flames began shooting out of one side. The one she bought to replace it appears as if it is designed to last 3 years, tops. What’s up with that? If we could combine 1970’s materials with today’s knowledge, imagine the toasters we’d have!!
  3. Canisters.
    Back in the 70’s, Tupperware had the most amazing canisters, and they came in all sizes. Some were the larger ones you could store sugar and flour in, while others were great for leftovers to be kept in the fridge. Mom has quite a few. If only the smaller ones were microwaveable, they would be modern day perfection!
  4. Couches.
    Mom has a couch made of solid wood, and it’s so heavy it has to be dragged across the floor whenever it needs to be moved! It will hold up forever and is still in very good shape. It isn’t my taste, however. My current couch is gorgeous, but the wood isn’t nearly as sturdy. If only they’d used the same wood….
  5. Lamps.
    Back in the day, they thought watching television would damage your eyes, so they sold tv lamps. I inherited the most gorgeous panther tv lamp. It’s black and sleek and very well made. The only problem is that it doesn’t put out very much light. It’s great for decoration, but not very practical. If we could combine the beauty of that lamp with our current knowledge about lighting, it would be a huge improvement!
  6. Toilet Paper.
    Toilet paper once came in your choice of pink, blue, yellow, and green, until they discovered the dyes were harmful to skin and increased the risks of Cervical Cancer. Today, all we get is white. Now that technology has advanced, could we bring back safe colored toilet paper?
  7. Mood rings.
    These rings could supposedly tell your mood, but I think they could somewhat read body temperature. It didn’t turn very many colors, either. Imagine if we used today’s technology and brought this ring back out? “Oh, no, it’s red – avoid John today!” “Look, her ring is white. She’s feeling peaceful, so it would be a good day to ask about a raise!”
  8. Sea Monkeys.
    I found an old comic book that advertised these to kids. It turns out they were actually ordering brine shrimp, but what if the little pet they ordered was something more interesting they’d enjoy watching grow? Add the excellent advertising to a really cool pet. Voila!
  9. Pet rocks.
    I hear people used to pay money for rocks and adopt them and “care” for them. Today we have people who leave rocks with uplifting artwork or sayings for people to find (we do in my area, anyways). Why not combine the two and people can adopt a positive, uplifting rock! Sounds like a huge improvement to me, and one that actually makes sense. We need all the joy in this world we can get.
  10. Refrigerators in cool colors.
    In the 1970’s so many things were Harvest Gold and Avocado Green. Today, it’s all black, white, and silver. I say bring back the colored fridges, but in colors like Emerald Green and Ruby Red! Talk about gorgeous!!