“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.” — Tyler Perry
Inhale the Sweet. Exhaling, let go of something Bitter.
Inhale the Bitter. Exhaling, offer up something Sweet.
Many people think you have to be “good” at meditation in order to be able or want to do it, but it’s really more like any other skillset or form of exercise. You start wherever you are and grow from there, noticing/exploring the benefits more and more along the way. Flexibility varies from person to person, but if we work at it our muscles will stretch and lengthen, just like improving strength comes from repeated training with noticeable results over time.
Nobody starts at the finish line.
Some days you can push yourself harder and further. Other days you ease up or take in some rest. If today you’re feeling serene and the quiet softens you further, maybe tomorrow you’ll feel a burning in your heart that makes the quietness feel like it will harden your thoughts into broken bits of sharp crystal pieces and all you’ll want to do is stop. Finding something else to do, away from simply noticing and accepting yourself as you are. Right now.
Interestingly enough, when we think of doing something mindlessly, there’s an impression of being careless with where our attention is going, even being a little “all over the place” or “in our own head” rather than intently focused. Yet when we talk about mindfulness, particularly in the realm of meditation, we’re asked to clear our minds and notice. Is anything in particular coming up? “First things first!” and “One thing at a time!”
Kinda seems to me like mindfulness is almost more of an emptying, while mindlessness is sort of like a filling up.
The practice of Meditation gives us an opportunity to work on mindfulness. As we sit in relative silence and stillness, every time we become distracted by our own thoughts and feelings, or something outside ourselves, we can take a moment to notice, to pause, before coming back and paying attention to the breath. Each time, we strengthen that mindfulness muscle, which begins to show up in other areas of our lives.
“Isn’t that interesting?” You might say to yourself upon realizing where your brain has gone off to, perhaps practicing unconditional positive regard for yourself through non-judgement of these things, then refocusing on the task at hand.
Inhale, Life is Yummy.
Exhale, I am Patient.
Inhale, Life is Delicious.
Exhale, I am Kind.
Even taking twenty or thirty seconds of calm can have a powerful impact on the energies of our day. If you’ve got the discipline to work up to five or ten minutes, then maybe more, what a gift to yourself you’ll find these little moments of reprieve can be!
As we become distracted, because we all most certainly do, it’s often helpful to acknowledge the emotions or jabbering of our brains. This can be as simple as inwardly saying “thinking” to yourself before turning back to your breath. Maybe using numbers as an anchor by counting your breaths as you go. You might identify the feeling of “anger” or “joy” or “sadness” before returning to center. Or, if a certain quality makes you want to label things as “bitter” (inhale one, exhale one) or “sweet” (inhale two, exhale two), you can choose any variety of methods that work best for you toward setting these things aside. Knowing that right now you are taking this time for self care. After, you can always pick up back where you left off with anything else that needs your attention.
Sometimes it’s easy to let go of something. Other times it just won’t go away. Maybe that’s because we don’t always want it to! We can upset ourselves over the silliest of things —but isn’t it just so stimulating to feel the intensity of ourselves??— or ignore something important because we’d rather not look at it. How do we find the happy medium?
When I’m getting overwhelmed, particularly if I’m frustrated by something (or someone) outside myself, I like to picture one of those big EASY buttons with the voice that says “THAT was EASY!” anytime you push it. Maybe you’re aware of them? That’s how I imagine my heart in those moments, when I just can’t seem to shake the bitterness. I press the EASY button inside my chest, replay those words internally, and with a full inhale and complete exhale, I practice the sweetness of forgiving the moment and letting go. Of letting the clouds roll by and turning back to the breath, the wind inside my lungs, rather than getting caught inside the drama.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s the times when we’re having a hard time forgiving that are typically the only times we truly get a chance to practice what it means to humbly and healingly GIVE of ourselves toward that kind of FORward momentum.
Is it brave to do something that doesn’t scare you? Perhaps. But to demonstrate courage in the face of something scary is quite different. Similarly, letting go of human failures is an admirable thing, but it’s when we’re tested to forgive during those moments of feeling justified or righteous in our position that we see how far we still have to go, how much we have to learn, and to contribute to the progress we’re all making together as a collective.
Theway we treat others is a reflection of the way we treat ourselves, and vice versa. If the voice inside our heads is always nagging or belittling what we say and do, it’s bound to leak out into how we treat other people in the same way that our ability to forgive others and treat them with care gives us a benchmark for how compassionate our skill level is toward being kind to ourselves.
While there is a time and place for taking accountability/responsibility for our actions, there is also a lightness that comes from being merciful to one another rather than always seeking “justice” or some punishment for failures. This can be about setting ourselves free much more than letting someone else off the hook. It is the floor of love, even if we don’t like something, by which we can stand up and feel the lightness wash over us, allowing ourselves to turn away from the guilt and shame of yesterday and point toward a wiser, more understanding tomorrow.
When I’m having a hard time forgiving (or even saying “I’m sorry” when I realize I’ve done something wrong or hurt somebody), it feels like I’ve been burnt by something incredibly hot, but rather than giving it time and space to heal, I keep coming back to the hot thing and burning myself over and over again as if to say “No! I will NOT let go of the fact that I’ve been burnt. I will burn MYSELF day after day if I have to in order to make sure everybody knows what happened here and where I stand in the matter!” But when all is said and done, we find ourselves giving up the game. Sometimes a little too late, or with a lot of time lost. Holding on to a memory doesn’t diminish this healing. It can even be wise to remember the past so long as we don’t give it the power to consume us.
There’s a bittersweetness in saying goodbye, even to the things that are scary and challenging, or the thoughts and feelings that make us upset. What tests or bothers us may still be comfortable and familiar or keep us distracted from a different kind of pain, while transitions and change can seem frightening under the best, most exciting of circumstances. What is unknown is still ahead we tell ourselves, but maybe if I can cling to what is known for just a little longer I won’t have to face it just yet.
All in Good time!
May the bitter forgiveness of saying goodbye to each and every beautiful sorrow bring you one step closer to the sweetness that comes from reflecting, then letting go.
The wave is flowing, giving forward, and it’s time to ride the Current.
All is well!